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Redneck Pilot

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Member Of:

Since 1992

Since 2001

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Since 2013

 

 

In the spirit of Jeff Foxworthy's "You might be a Redneck" comedy; you just might be a Redneck Pilot:

  • If your stall warning plays Dixie

  • If you think sectional charts should show trailer parks

  • If your toothpick keeps poking your mike

  • If you use a Purina Bag as a windsock

  • If you've just taxied all around the airport drinking beer

  • If you think "GPS" stands for Going Perfectly Straight

  • If you use your parachute to cover your plane

  • If your cross-country flight plan uses flea markets as check points

  • If you siphon gas out of your pick-up or tractor for your plane

  • If you have to buzz the strip to chase off all the sheep

  • If you have more than one roll of duct tape holding your cowling together

  • If you stick a tennis ball on your transponder antenna

  • If your canopy cover is a feed sack

  • If you have ever used sheetrock as part of an aircraft repair

  • If you think three bags from Piggly Wiggly is a matched set of luggage

  • If you've ever used Moonshine as Avgas

  • If you have a gun rack mounted on the aft bulkhead

  • If there are grass stains on your propeller tips

  • If You have fuzzy dice hanging from the magnetic compass

  • If you have a Confederate flag as a headliner

  • If youíve landed on the main street of your town for coffee

  • If you fly to family reunions to meet girls

  • If you put the little Playboy bunny emblems on your wheel pants

  • If you have a "Powered by Coors" decal on the cowl

  • If your flight suit consists of bell-bottomed pants

  • If you have fuzzy dice hanging from the compass

  • If you have mud flaps on your wheel pants

  • If you refer to flying in formation as "We got ourselves a convoy here"

  • If you put a fake hump on the cowling to show off your four-barrel Holley with supercharger

  • If you have a beer can crusher on the dash

  • If you have a fur lined instrument overlay

  • If you have ever used a beer can for aircraft repair

  • If you refer to any female air traffic controller on the air as "Lil' Darlin"

  • If there are parts on your plane with the name John Deere on them.

  • If there's exhaust residue on the right side of your aircraft and tobacco stains on the left

  • If you have a spittoon in place of an ash tray

  • If part of your walk-around inspection is taking grass, clover, straw or corn stalks out of the landing gear

  • If you have an orange airplane with a Union Jack painted on the side.

  • If you've never really actually landed at an airport, although you've been flying for years

  • If you've won the "Bob Wire" award at a spot landing contest

  • If you refer to flying in formation as "We got us a convoy"

  • If you answer any radio communication with: "Thatís a big 10-4"

  • When you call the tower, you begin "breaker, breaker, c'mon!"

  • If you keep Vienna Sausage in your plane for emergency rations

  • When done tying down you throw your hands in the air and look up at the tower to check your time!

  • If you call wheel pants "fender skirts"

  • If you make regular low passes over your girl friend's trailer

  • If you figure in the weight of a case of Schlitz on your permanent weight and balance records

  • If you have uttered the words "Hey Y'all, Watch This" just before impact


              Author Unknown